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You know what I hate about answering machine messages?
They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all
they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message."
That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you,
my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another
long answering machine message when you call me...
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything yu say will be recorded and used by us.
C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
Hi, this is Sarah. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and wait by your phone until I call you back.
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at hom cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and its safe to leave a message.
Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, ad if I don't call back, it's you.
Hello, I am Sarah's answering machine. What are you.
Hi. Now you say something.
This is not an answering machine --
this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,
think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where
I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Hi, Im not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?
You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine. They're not home right now. At least, I don't think they are. Hang on. (Voice moves away from recording microphone.) Mike? Nancy? (Voice comes back.) Nope, they're not here, so at the beep...
This is Anthony. Leave me a message at the beep. (beep) Whoops, I bet you couldn't hear that. Lemme try again. (Beep) Nuts, once more with feeling
Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid answering machine messages. Besides, I am probably online right now.
We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
Hello... Yes, I'd like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas please, with extra cheese... Oh, did I get the wrong number? Sorry about that. (Click.)
(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message
I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back
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